Can I?

I've not really wanted to write lately, even though life has been going pretty good! The atmosphere at home has been brilliant, I've been playing more music and I have been generally more chilled... I've signed up to play in an orchestra for a concert on the 1st of July and lots more good stuff is coming up: my birthday weekend in Worthing at the seaside, possibly spending a couple of days in the North of France for my granddad's birthday and getting to see my sis and dad at the same time, Lewis's birthday, Napton festival to which we are taking our musical travelling cafe to, then 10 days holiday in Corsica and the Olympics for which I have been hired as a Box Office Manager :)

BUT... There is always a but! I have had TONS of ideas about small craft and I have had NO time to do any of it because I am spending so much time at work, and what time isn't spent at work I'm too damn tired to get out of bed! Also my whole bag of cross stitching apparatus has disappeared from my house and despite spending the last two days looking for it, I haven't yet been able to locate it!! I am really quite devastated as all of the stuff I already have cross stitched was in there!

Although it's been going well at all three of my jobs, I have had a growing feeling of not being liked. Or like I'm simply not meant for this sort of work. Like I'm not built to play the workplace politics games and not cut out to be molded as other people/managers want me to be. This is as much on a people level as a workplace level... I don't want to chase after people who don't want me around; that wouldn't help. It's especially hard when that is linked to colleagues. It's been harder and harder to communicate properly with a couple of people and sometimes when I have to contact them I have really NOT wanted to because I know I get listened to less and less, even when it's the job that calls for me contacting them.

I think I am tired and I cannot wait to be off for three days in a row, I have more than deserved a break! For some reason the bad has far outweighed the good in the past few weeks but I haven't been telling anyone about it because it is so heavy on my heart. I have had counselling sessions and little cries about it on my own but I don't feel like I have built a strong enough support system for myself here. I have been reading this book on How to go off grid and it's been really good and informative... I would really like to develop my ideas about what I want in life a bit more so I can actually start on the right path. In order to boost myself up I finally went to the tattooist to get my design redrawn so it is actually tattooable! I am looking to make an appointment for next week as the words I am getting tattooed mean a lot to me and will hopefully remind me that whatever I set my mind to, I can get it done: I CAN (hopefully) do anything.